Why I'm not the best choice for a roommate
I've come to the conclusion that I'm not the best choice for a person to live with.
This is not because I'm messy, loud, obnoxious, offensive, like to walk around naked, don't like to take showers, or have any of the other 'typical traits' a bad roommate might have. No.
None of my roommates are here right now. They've all gone home because their exams finished last Monday: Shelly left that same day[because she began work on Tuesday], Claire left Friday[because she had to work for Wimbledon the next day], and Lydia left Saturday. I did hang out with them every so often during the time I lived with them in Bath: went to a couple movies, went out to eat, went out to the clubs, etc. I was hoping that I would eventually become 'real' friends with these people and, ya know, have someone else to visit when I come back to England and whatnot, but that never really happened. And that's because I'm crap at making friends with the people I live with. There are definite exceptions to this rule, mind you, but usually, that is the case.
I've come to realize one thing about myself: when I'm home, I don't want anyone else there...plain and simple. I've realized that after a while[sometimes even less than that, in the case of England, a month], I start 'resenting' people being in 'my' space, in 'my' air. And this has happened EVERY SINGLE YEAR since I've started living with people, i.e. the beginning of college. Whether me and whoever I lived with did become friends or not, this harbored 'resentment' is always there. This is not to say that I've wanted to murder or kill them or something; that's why I put 'resent' in quotes because it's not real resentment, more like 'annoyance' or 'frustration' or...I don't even have a word to describe what the feeling is really. This is also not to say that I can't have fun and hang out with the people I live with; I have done that in fact. But most of the time, when I'm at home, I don't talk or don't want to talk, so after a while, I start getting quieter and quieter. And then I start to get this uncomfortable feeling around them, and it makes me shut up even more. All this does is sever any little connection there may have been in the first place and I never let the people I live with see the 'real' me, the enthusiastic me, the funny me, the non-insecure me.
This can NEVER be blamed on the other people I live with. They are completely without fault and I blame myself for feeling that way. I honestly don't even know if anyone I've ever lived with has noticed this or not. I doubt they have. So I'm sure they could care less or not. But it in fact bothers me a whole lot. I don't want to resent people anymore so I've just decided to not live with anyone else unless: 1) we're family, 2) you're my husband, 3) we're already friends or 4) it's for a short period of time. Then I think it'll work out. But because any insecurities and crap I harbor usually requires quiet time and that quiet time I want at home, I'm gonna spare any future roommates and keep to myself.
This is not because I'm messy, loud, obnoxious, offensive, like to walk around naked, don't like to take showers, or have any of the other 'typical traits' a bad roommate might have. No.
None of my roommates are here right now. They've all gone home because their exams finished last Monday: Shelly left that same day[because she began work on Tuesday], Claire left Friday[because she had to work for Wimbledon the next day], and Lydia left Saturday. I did hang out with them every so often during the time I lived with them in Bath: went to a couple movies, went out to eat, went out to the clubs, etc. I was hoping that I would eventually become 'real' friends with these people and, ya know, have someone else to visit when I come back to England and whatnot, but that never really happened. And that's because I'm crap at making friends with the people I live with. There are definite exceptions to this rule, mind you, but usually, that is the case.
I've come to realize one thing about myself: when I'm home, I don't want anyone else there...plain and simple. I've realized that after a while[sometimes even less than that, in the case of England, a month], I start 'resenting' people being in 'my' space, in 'my' air. And this has happened EVERY SINGLE YEAR since I've started living with people, i.e. the beginning of college. Whether me and whoever I lived with did become friends or not, this harbored 'resentment' is always there. This is not to say that I've wanted to murder or kill them or something; that's why I put 'resent' in quotes because it's not real resentment, more like 'annoyance' or 'frustration' or...I don't even have a word to describe what the feeling is really. This is also not to say that I can't have fun and hang out with the people I live with; I have done that in fact. But most of the time, when I'm at home, I don't talk or don't want to talk, so after a while, I start getting quieter and quieter. And then I start to get this uncomfortable feeling around them, and it makes me shut up even more. All this does is sever any little connection there may have been in the first place and I never let the people I live with see the 'real' me, the enthusiastic me, the funny me, the non-insecure me.
This can NEVER be blamed on the other people I live with. They are completely without fault and I blame myself for feeling that way. I honestly don't even know if anyone I've ever lived with has noticed this or not. I doubt they have. So I'm sure they could care less or not. But it in fact bothers me a whole lot. I don't want to resent people anymore so I've just decided to not live with anyone else unless: 1) we're family, 2) you're my husband, 3) we're already friends or 4) it's for a short period of time. Then I think it'll work out. But because any insecurities and crap I harbor usually requires quiet time and that quiet time I want at home, I'm gonna spare any future roommates and keep to myself.
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you're not alone...there has never been a good outcome with any of the roommates i've lived with. not one single one that i can think of. even my finance gets fed up with me sometimes :)
and, like you, it's me. as selfish as it may seem, i only like to be around people on my terms. i require a lot of me time as well. i've found that if i don't get enough me time, i turn into someone completely different...the quiet, indifferent side of me starts to come out, which completely confuses people.
plus, i just think women can't really live in groups as we get older. we're too territorial :)
Posted by
Kerri Keberly |
9:56 PM
MAAAAANNNN, I'm totally glad people can even SOMEWHAT relate to what I had to say! thought I was alone.
Yeh, it does seem kinda selfish when I think about it too, but whatever. Just like Aaron, I made friends outside of my flat, which is good enough, but I still want that me time at home.
Posted by
onus1234 |
5:24 AM